The Chronicles of Denver

The Chronicles of.....LA?

2009-09-29T11:28:00.003-06:00

I've just married a beautiful woman named Kara, just moved to a unnecessarily hot LA, just started graduate school in some bizarre field of religion, and just formed a new photography company with Kara called, well, "Poshak Photography." Easy enough, I suppose.

Check us out here:
www.poshakphotography.com

(and if you'd link us to your blog or website we'd buy you some ice cream or something)

With all considered, I'm out for now, but it's been fun. Plus, the blog world is so 2004 - I know, right?

Cheers

Mark

Blake William Van Rossum, et al

2009-05-02T15:04:00.011-06:00

Now, Julie and Bill are out numbered.

Blake William was born on April 27th, and Kara and I had the privilege of being there for the new birth.

Kara and I also got to spend some time in St. Louis for a bridal shower, my god-father's funeral and, of course, some Ted Drewes.

But the best time was spent with Kyle and Ellie. They never stop talking, are hilarious, and apparently Kyle is turning into quite the golfer....

2009-03-07T21:58:00.004-07:00

The Proposal

2008-12-29T13:36:00.011-07:00

On Friday night, December 19th,2008,
Kara Quackenbush said yes.

The evening started with an innocent dinner at a restaurant called "Bang". When our relationship began, our first date involved the attempt to dine at said restaurant, only to find it was closed that particular evening. So the second attempt was splendid. A fine little eatery, we began discussing our relationship and our favorite moments throughout. Then as we left we drove past "Lakeside", an amusement park near Denver that is more white trash and a health risk than amusing. At our first date, since Bang was closed, we ended up partaking in the amusement of Lakeside. It was a moment where Kara said, "There's no way you would take me to Lakeside on a first date." I believe my response was "Prove it." The night was a perfect way to "break the ice" and has since become a long-standing joke of our relationship. So obviously, there was no better place to propose than where it all began.

(Lakeside, circa 1908, which, ironically is the year Grandma Doris was born. More on that later.)

First, however, a little history. Kara and I have known of each other for several years now. Since moving here in 2005 I've run into Kara often as she would visit from Boston. I was always intrigued and, according to her mother, had "eyes" for Kara for quite some time. After her brother Kellen's graduation party, I got a green light from Kellen and her mom and we have since been personally funding JetBlue and their new Terminal in JFK.

And on another note, my mother informed me in October that I had two diamonds waiting for me in St. Louis - one from each of my grandmas. The news was quite humbling to say the least (Grandma Poshak was proposed to in 1940, and Grandma Morhart was proposed to in 1936, and was born in 1908 which makes the Lakeside photo interesting). My mother said, "You know, if you ever need them for some reason." Subtle. After Kara visited the family in St. Louis for Thanksgiving, Kara and I decided it was time to make a move. Kara, so innocently believed (I am really bad at surprises), that I had left the diamonds in St. Louis when I flew back to Denver, so she thought there was no possible way for me to propose before we received the rings at Christmas. But of course, that was never the plan.

Back to the story. We drove past Lakeside and I asked if we could pull in and laugh a bit about our first night. She still had no idea what was going on, which was fun. I then pulled out a jazz cd I had made her for Christmas and asked for a dance in the snow to the song "All the things you are" which was the first song we danced to at the Top of the Hub in downtown Boston.

As we danced, I told her about the lyrics of the song and some other nice thoughts about our relationship, including the phrase we've used since Day 1, "you're worth the risk." As I pulled out the ring, the ring she didn't believe I had, she said, "NO!" in a surprised voice of near shock. "Did you just say 'No?'" I asked, wearing a smirk. She laughed and said "yes" about 34 times in a row. We celebrated with a few pictures as we entered back into the warmth of the car.

I told her that her family knew and were all waiting for her at home. As we rounded the corner to her home, she noticed the nearly 20 cars lining her house, and as we entered the front door she noticed the nearly 40 people filling her living room, she knew this was far more than a "on a whim" decision. We celebrated late into the night with friends and family and neighbors.

All in all, it was a fantastic night that is one to remember.

We are planning on an early August wedding, one that is quickly approaching. The dream is to be married and then head off to Pasadena, CA so I can start school at Fuller Seminary in the fall.

Thanks to all your notes and well wishes. More information to come.

Mark and Kara

The Divine Comedy - Act III

2008-10-20T12:05:00.002-06:00

There is a student in our Junior High group that I have known now for almost two years. He is a student that does not get a lot of attention. He has a physical defect that makes socializing a bit difficult. He has a lot of pent up attitude and anger towards his family and others, and treats other people in a harsh light at times. Each week he brings a Rubiks Cube to youth group and plays alone in the corner. I feel bad for this kid, but at least he is coming and trying to be a part of a community.

When he texted me a couple weeks ago about youth group, I was excited that he was making the effort to be involved. I had no idea who it was at first, so when I found out it was him, I quickly saved his phone number in my phone so I could contact him again at a later point.

So, last week, when I saw that he left a voicemail on my phone, I was very intrigued. Maybe he needs someone to talk to, maybe he wants a friend, maybe he's having trouble at home, maybe he can trust me to walk with him. When I finally got to check my voicemail, I was anxious - maybe this is the moment of break through. He's finally being social and reaching out for help.

1 New Message:

"Oh, uh, Mark, uh yeah, uh, I just saw a chicken at Blockbuster. I ran and scared it. I was just calling everyone I knew to tell them about the chicken. Uh, that's all. Uh, okay."

No goodbye, just a chicken. No life change, just a chicken. At Blockbuster.

Oh, I see.

Hello wet suit

2008-09-14T18:24:00.005-06:00

This post is for Joe. He likes to read blogs. So I figure I'd try to post something, though these photos came from his computer. Thanks for getting me up on one ski, Joe. You're an inspiration to us all, Papa K.

Moab, UT

2008-05-26T20:07:00.004-06:00

Boston

2008-05-05T23:15:00.012-06:00

Early in March, the funniest man alive agreed to meet me in Boston for a weekend. We decided that before he has a baby (yes, with his wife) that we would hit up Boston for one last go around. Oh to be in college again.

While I could talk about the historical elements we witnessed and what we learned and how it's changed me, I figure I'd just show you some photos. Not any artistic photos, or anything of substance. These are just simply fun. And while convincing the desk lady at the hotel that we wanted separate beds was funny enough, here is a little evidence that when you get two old friends together, funny things still happen.

You must read the sign closer...

Apparently guys in Boston think you can pump up a car tire with a foot pump.

Fenway Park.

It never gets old.

This, my friends, is at Harvard. Harvard.

the words I've longed to hear...

2008-04-11T15:36:00.004-06:00

"KU has just won the National Championship," such sweet words. In case you haven't heard, Monday night was quite the experience. If you didn't get to watch, you must watch the video above of the experience watching at Allen Fieldhouse (you may have to wait a minute for it to load).

I wish I could have been there, but we had our own little party to celebrate the National Championship here in Denver:

I have waited for this for 10 years now, which in comparison to most KU fans is not that long, but it's been well worth the wait. However, not unlike the Cardinals winning in '06, I found myself just simply wanting to watch another game. This team was so fun to watch, and never again will they be back on the court together. The championship is nice, and that will never change, but just one more game would be great, until I find myself saying that again.

If it takes KU another 20 years to win another, I will be 47, but who's counting, right? Here's to another 20 years of great college hoops.

The Divine Comedy - Act II

2008-03-23T21:32:00.003-06:00

In February I had the privilege of being a leader on a ski retreat for Junior High kids. I did not get to ski, again, because the size of my ankle rivals any of Nick Probst's classic oranges over the years, but it was fun nonetheless.

On one particular night, we were discussing some great spiritual truths (as great as they can be with 10 Junior High boys that smell like death's excrement). We were discussing what the bible means when it says that God would spit us out if we were "luke-warm," a passage that is often taken out of context. The conversation was diving quickly to a depth that required some serious thoughts. Until, of course, one particular friend of mine happened to speak up. He is only in 7th grade, mind you.

"So, it's kind of like lasagna, mashed potatoes and ice cream."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"It's kind of like lasagna, mashed potatoes and ice cream."

"No, we heard you, what's your point?"

"Lasagna is good hot. Ice cream is good cold. But if you eat mashed potatoes cold, yuck, I'd just spit that out."

Silence.

"Oh, I see."

The Divine Comedy - Act I

2008-02-14T16:49:00.002-07:00

This January I was a leader at our annual ski retreat for high school students. One particular night, after a time of reflection, one of my students got up and started heading my way. In the summer of 2006 I had a profound life-change experience with this very student, so my first reaction when he stood up was that he was hoping to talk with me again. Coming up the stairs with a solemn face, looking longingly in my direction, he catches my eye. Perhaps he wants to confess something, perhaps he needs to talk, or perhaps he’s just had a profound experience with Jesus that he wants to share.

“Mark,” he says, in a soft tone.

“Yes,” I respond, with undaunted eagerness. Maybe he will make huge strides this weekend in becoming the man God wants him to be. Maybe I will get the privilege of being a part of his journey, of his transformation.

He removes his death stare of the carpet below to look into my eyes and say, “Someone is wearing the same shirt as I am.”

Silence.

“Oh. I see.”

Once

2008-01-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm on the edge of writing more and more. I'm on the brinks of new discovery. I'm anxious to let such thoughts marinade a bit, but I'm realizing, more and more, that it's all been said before. Somewhere, you can find someone who has written your thoughts. But yet, we find new life in our own realization and our own creation. I'm finding, as I continue to process where my future lies, is that ideas have been written, but not all have been taught. Maybe that's where I'll reside, or maybe I'll just flip houses for a living.

In the mean time, I'll let smarter people do some major thinking. And smarter, more beautifully creative people create movies and art and music that continues to inspire.

That leads us to a movie called "Once." It may be the most simple movie I've seen, yet the more touching and musically striking. The songs are perfectly written, and set the tone to a story that is, at first glance, a rather simple tale, but leaves you wanting. Wanting more, or wanting to simply sit in silence. Yet, as soon as the credits began to role, I found myself applauding. I never applaud at movies (especially at the theatres - aren't those moments always awkward?) but I was proud of this film. I had no investment in this movie, but I was proud of it. Finally someone has taken a chance and written a film that speaks, that literally sings, and it was if the director didn't care what anyone thought of it.

There will be movies that make more money. There will be movies that win more awards. There will be movies that I will most likely write about someday with equal fervor.

But this, for now, is it.

So do us all a favor and rent it. And then buy the soundtrack, because I'm not sure it's possible to not do so after seeing the movie...

art show

2007-11-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

The other night my friend TMS Live came into to do a show in Arvada. His new project is called "John Boys Courage" and while he played music, I brought some of my newly framed photos to act like I know what I'm doing. I recently put my photos online at www.markposhak.com, so please check the site out if you so desire.

Here's a few photos of the night:

quality

2007-10-09T10:49:00.001-06:00

photography website

2007-10-01T00:06:00.000-06:00

Not to take anything away from the glory of this blog, I have created a website for my photographs. I've heard some rumors of desires for these photos, and so I finally have a place where that may be possible. So please, take a gander...

www.markposhak.com

.:mark:.

Uganda videos, photos

2007-08-26T16:22:00.000-06:00

On our trip to Uganda there was a British fellow named Steve who filmed a documentary on our work at the orphanage in Lukaya. He's done a couple other documentaries on some of the children and the organization itself. The video shows our progress on our building project and us with the children.

Go to http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=wwwhopedccorg to visit the site with video options.

The video we are in is in two parts called "Real Africa at HDCC Uganda part 1" (or 2). You have to scroll down a bit to find them.

And here is a link to our group page for Uganda photos. You'll find my photos in 4 folders near the bottom, if you're interested. All you need to do is enter the password: "cccc"

http://hpsmuganda.shutterfly.com/action/

.::enjoy::.
--------------

I've heard I needed some photos of animals we saw on our safari, so here goes, though they're not very good. The first image is of a baboon, 2.5 seconds before he hurled his sickly little monkey butt up to my bus window, grabbed the ledge, hissed at me with demon eyes and started pulling himself up to grab my food. I screamed like a 3rd grade girl and quickly shut the window, laughing hysterically. Hence why I didn't include this photo at first....

a dissertation, a response, a run-on sentence

2007-08-23T11:28:00.000-06:00

I sit in The Tattered Cover, a bookstore in downtown Denver, one that I’ve frequented over the years, dating all the way back to 2003 when I first ventured west to this metropolis. I sat, those 5 years ago, in complete wonder and need of a calling, of a purpose, of a direction. A mere 3 years later I found myself sitting in the same seat, about to begin work at the church I now call home. I was amazed then at the providence of God and how my desires for my life were unfolding. Now, two years after that revelation, I sit, again, in awe of all that has happened and continues to happen. That is, in essence, what worship entails:

“In worship we come into God’s presence and respond to God on the basis of who God is, what God has done and what He has promised to do.” Paul Lessard

I sit in awe of where I’ve come, of what has happened in the last two years in a job that often can’t believe I’m a part of, and I’m increasingly anxious of what this year will bring. After a summer of skipping across the globe, I find my home in this country, in this community and in the lives of the students with whom I get to live life. I’m thankful to be here and to be learning what I’m learning and living what I’m living.

And that brings us to Africa, and the summation of the summer. I don’t know how, even as I type this, I will conclude what this summer has meant, but I’ll try. It will change, and in a year I’ll laugh at all of these thoughts, but I’ll try. I’ve written a little on each trip, so skim if you like.

EL SALVADOR
We took our upcoming seniors with us to Hacienda San Isidro, a small mountain community located just below an old volcano. This group of students is going to be our student leaders for the year so it was a great bonding time for them and a great teaching time for us. We worked with a community church, which is also a school, building three classrooms for primary students. The school is part of the organization called “Compassion International” which is an organization that allows individuals or groups from wealthier countries to sponsor children in 3rd world countries by paying a small monthly fee. The money then goes to the child’s education, books, uniforms and food for the family. We were able to go to a couple church services and worship with this small community. Their faith is profound and rooted in a deep trust. We also got the opportunity to hold a kids camp for a day with all the Compassion students. We played games and crafts and had a blast running around with kids though we spoke little Spanish. We were treated to a nice time of rest on the coast of El Salvador to end our trip. Even though most of us got sick because of the food, it was a rewarding experience. For a great idea of what we did in El Salvador, read this:

http://amtate.blogspot.com/2007/06/we-arrived-at-airport-at-8am-on-friday.html

ALASKA
This trip was our biggest and perhaps our most challenging. We took 28 students, all underclassmen, with 10 of them being rowdy sophomore boys. The group was energetic and excited to get out of Denver and see the vast country of Alaska. We worked with Covenant Bible Camp, a local camp for Eskimo children, created and supported by the Convenant denomination my of which my church belongs. The Covenant church was one of the first denominations to invest fully in Alaska marked by a littering of Covenant churches along the west coastline of the state. The camp is in the middle of nowhere – just inland from Unalakleet, a small fishing village on the west coastline. There is a small amount of electricity created by a generator, and a small amount of fresh running water from a well, but almost nothing else to mark civilization. The sun doesn’t set in June, so sleeping was a fun adventure. The camp is so deep into the woods only 4-wheelers can drive in and with the rain being so fierce in the summer, the trails often turn into mud. We worked all week rebuilding their trail system so they could successfully get in and out of the camp. We also got to meet with the youth group of Unalakleet and our students were able to ask questions about life as a teenager in Alaska. We were fortunate to see a several animals – a moose, bear, whale, otter, etc. We were treated to a day cruise out of Seward, just south of Anchorage, and a trip to see a glacier. The trip was a huge success; working with the camp was of great support and the growth that our students experienced was a blessing for us all as they begin to grow up into the leaders of our students.

DENVER
Of all the foreign places to visit, none was closer than our own city, but none had more of an impact on our students and myself. We worked with an organization called Open Door Fellowship, a church organization that works directly with members of the homeless, alcohol and drug addiction and prostitution communities. The church owns several houses in the city-block where their church resides that they use for housing individuals of such issues. It is an amazing community of believers doing everything they can to pull people out of destructive life situations. We worked with the church leaders by doing small housing projects among the community and running a Vacation Bible School for the kids of the child daycare run by the church. The leaders also took us around the community to learn about what ails such victims and taught us about what homelessness and poverty is and isn’t and how we should respond. We took a group of junior-high students who have not often left Arvada and opened their eyes to the issues and neglect and abuse of our own city. The trip left a lasting effect on our students one that will carry them through their high school years. Tate, again, does a nice job of writing on this trip: http://amtate.blogspot.com/2007/08/love-is-all-you-need.html

AFRICA
The trip started with a three day trip to London with my senior guys. Our lay-over for the flight to Uganda was through London, so we re-booked our flights three days earlier than the rest of our group and spent three days touring the city with our recent graduates. The rest of the group met us and we continued on to Uganda, via Kenya (a total of 4 flights from Denver). We arrived in Entebbe and promptly drove to Kampala for a night and then on to Lukaya the next day to find our work project. We worked with an organization called Real African Excursions. They took us into the brush of Lukaya where we seemingly stumbled upon a small “poly-technic” school, teaching students how to lay brick and build houses, and orphanage for abandoned street children. We started meeting the kids and the leaders and immediately found out how divine our meeting was – the vision that God has bestowed upon these people is profound and we were one aspect of completing that village. They were humbled and thrilled that we had blessed them with our presence, though we found ourselves swamped in the same emotions for them. We spent over a week helping build a sleeping room so that they could pull more children from the streets – an act we literally did at the end of our week when we visited the street kids in the “ghetto.” We played with kids, danced in the dirt, worshipped our God together, played “football” and laughed a lot. The trip consisted of our seniors from this year and last – an immensely mature group for their age that left us, time and time again, in awe of their passion for the Lord and these children.
At the end, it was very hard to leave our new friends – children who most likely have no family or have ever received such unconditional love. The organization was a joy to work with, and humbling, as we began to fully understand their call and sacrifice.

There are stories of a man named Eluscious (the spelling of which is completely wrong) who is a man of tremendous faith and conviction for Jesus. He speaks three languages and works two full-time jobs to pay for the school/orphanage. For months on end he would come and pray at night on the land which the school now resides. The land was formally used for Demon worshipping and child sacrifices until God called him to “reclaim” His land. He’s prayed and battled night and day for this land and for his God. When we arrived he and his people were 30 days in to a 40 day fast, yet they worked just as hard as us on the building project.

There are stories of a man named Faith, his “Christian” name given to him for his astounding Faith in Jesus – a fact that was made apparent to us by day one. Faith is only in his early 20s, but is a leader among the men at school. Faith would speak openly about his calling and to our calling of our generation of younger men. He would speak about our need to reclaim the importance of marriage and love and honor in the role of man.

There are stories of Alice, the woman of the orphanage. The sites she has seen – injustice and poverty, physical and emotional abuse, starvation and need – in her home country would make anyone flinch, but she powers ahead in full trust that Jesus is who He says he is (a truth that would change the very way we live our lives). She believes that somehow God is going to continue to provide food and shelter so that she can continue to pull children from the ghetto that she frequents.

These people are true, they are it, they are the salt of the earth. They have purpose and calling and a divine interaction with the “ends of the earth.” I recall the stories of the pastor in Hacienda San Isidro and his love for his community. I think of the man from Washington who spends each summer in the brush of Alaska at a camp with no running water because he believes God has him there to love on the Eskimo children of Unalakleet and surrounding areas. I think of a man in downtown Denver that has come out of homelessness to be called to love those still in it – a unique and important gift.

And I think of myself. Of all the trips this summer, I find myself thinking on all of these issues (most of which I hope to write on sooner than later): theological differences in different countries, cultures and languages and what our response should be; what the phrase “poor in spirit” means, what poverty and homelessness is and what our response should be; the tension of having “things” or not, the rich vs. the poor, America vs. 3rd world and powerhouse countries’ abuse of material possessions being worse than 3rd world’s lack of such things; long and short term missions, our calling and our response to the great commission and our need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves.

I’m excited to think about these issues because it is my job to equip those who are going to go out and be the leaders of this country and this world and start orphanages and Eskimo camps and inner-city ministries. I'm excited about the future and about my future in ministry and how God is going to use me and such influences for His purposes right where I am. The best part about my job is the fact that I get to experience these trips with students that are beginning to understand their calling and purpose. One of the main resolutions from the summer, coming from our students, is the idea that if I do what I’m called to and do it extremely well, then I am in essence, loving the places and the children that I’m no longer in the presence of. By following the call of God, whether it is to Uganda or Alaska or even to your Junior year of high school, we are taking part of His missions, His purposes and His love for the children of this world.

The trend in the contemporary American church, or emerging churches worldwide, is to leave your small world and join in the efforts of the larger world. However, there is a feel, truly unwarranted but there nonetheless, that if you’re not spending your life in a 3rd world country or someplace that is, on the service level, in dire need, you are not living out your faith. There is some truth to that, for there is a great tragedy to our world when our generation does not look beyond our lives, our culture, our own community. But there is a greater disservice when we look to the world without first looking within ourselves. Because we are all “poor in spirit” for we all need Jesus, no matter our economic status or social status.

In that light, I am pleased to understand that my calling is right where I am, the white-suburban church, as strange as that may seem. I have loved each trip and it’s been an honor to serve among so many locals doing all they can to love their God and their people. My greatest joys this summer, however, have been being a part of the life-change in my own students – to sit next to them and hear how God is changing their hearts and their view on humanity and the world. To see them come to know Jesus in a new and profound way. My calling is to be with these students and to push them to serve their world and Jesus, right where they are, right where God has them.
And to me, that is the greatest calling.
And to me, that is joy.

Denver to Uganda

2007-07-26T14:56:00.000-06:00

The Jr. High Inner-City Denver trip has been a huge success. We've learned a lot about poverty and homelessness. We've learned a lot about our city and its needs. We've learned a lot about ourselves and response to such issues. I've learned that Jr. High students can be quite mature, at times,nd be quite fun as well. We've been working with ministry called "Open Door Fellowship" which is an amazing ministry that owns nearly one city-block worth of houses for former prostitutes, drug addicts, single moms, the disabled, etc. It's been an honor to work with them.

Now it's off to London for 3 days with my senior guys. They're a bit spoiled getting to go to London as their Senior trip, but fortunately our lay-over for Uganda is in London so we just moved our flight a couple days earlier. Each student (5 of them) gets to pick the one thing they want to see/explore in the city, besides all the common sites. I'm excited to get there and have no pressure to do anything - just relax, see the city and get ready for Africa.

On the 31st of July we fly on to Entebbe, Uganda. We'll stay a night in Kampala and then head on to Lukaya for our mission project of building a shelter for orphans of the AIDS epidemic. We'll also be working in an orphanage for a couple days. And not to be too spoiled, we're taking a 2 day safari through the jungle. Being a Pastor to Students is hard sometimes...

I have lots to say about each of the trips so far, even about going home and seeing family like the twins and 99 year old grandma Doris (the lovely lady pictured above). I also have thoughts on my returning to Africa some 5 years after I was kicked out of the Ivory Coast. I'm not sure what to think of all that, but that event led me to this one, so trusting forward is all I've got.

Pray for us as we go, for 3 weeks in a foreign country is hard, no matter how many times you've done it. And to be in a place where we'll see things and experience things we've never seen before, never felt before, never eaten before, will be a trying but ultimately rewarding experience.

See you all at the end of August...

half-way through

2007-07-14T21:50:00.001-06:00

It's the middle of July, but since my neighbors are still shooting off fireworks as I write this, it feels a bit earlier. In fact, it feels like May. The weather is cool and I'm quite relaxed. But in fact, I'm a couple days out from heading to Wyoming for a water skiing weekend, to inner-city Denver for a 5 days and then London/Uganda for about 3 weeks. The summer is almost over, but there's a lot left to be had.

I just came back from Chicago to see my niece and nephew turn one year old. It was a quick trip, but it was great to see them at this age. They go fast!

I'll have a lot of stories and photos when I come back from Africa, and a story about Grandma Doris from Nebraska. But now it's time for bed...

a start; a promise

2007-06-26T19:24:00.000-06:00

I am safely back from Alaska and trying to make sense of my flight that left at 4 a.m. last night. I, again, am having a nice meal listening, again, to some good jazz just as the night I left. I'm tired, but I feel good. I'm worn out, but I'm alive. I'm certainly glad I don't have to leave for Africa tomorrow, and I'm in need of some time with Jesus, but a good meal and a movie will be a start.

I'm no where near comprehension of all that has happened in June. I'm anxious to spend a few days with my dad painting the house to clear my head, and then off to see Grandma Doris who always puts things in perspective. I'm sure I'll have plenty to say after a time away from students....

(side note: I was hoping for more sunset photos, as I mentioned in my last post, but the sun doesn't set in Alaska in June. Ever. so no dice.)

After checking my email on my personal and work accounts I saw that I have over 150 emails combined. That's stupid. Most on my work account were junk, but it's still a little ridiculous. After checking email, I checked some other folks' blogs and found that my friend Faith, as always, brought new life to me in the form of a quote. My favorite quote of Faith's is about Brennan Manning (a man who, ironically, writes so well on the topic of Faith) when she said, "Don't you wish you lived next story to Brennan and you could go over to his house for breakfast tea and talk about Jesus?" That's not exact, but every time I read Manning I think of a good breakfast with tea, or perhaps a nice warm coffee. Thanks, Faith.

But this quote, after that tangent, is from Fredrick Buechner, and brought such freedom to me in this moment, hours after leaving the mosquito infested land of Alaska. A promise, not a command or a rule or a guilt-inducing life. A promise, a hope that God, who wants us to love him, will help us love him. Read that again. No, actually, read this:

The final secret, I think, is this: that the words "You shall love the Lord your God" become in the end less a command than a promise.

one night

2007-06-15T22:02:00.000-06:00

I've been feeling sick lately, and not in the upset stomach way that's been normal as of late, but more of a weak, pathetic, whining kind of sick. I just haven't been myself lately, almost distant. I thought that was due to the large worm that is probably harboring in my stomach, as stow-away from El Salvador, but I'm finding it more to be some sort of emotional exhaustion. Since I have 3 more trips to go and I wasn't feeling well, I packed for Alaska and decided to watch "Stranger than Fiction" and fall asleep on the couch. It worked.

A side note: I recently bought a Fiat Spider, a two door convertible stick shift, that is fun to drive and a bit freeing. There's a long, long, story with that, both pre-purchase and post-purchase that will have to wait until after Alaska, but here's she is:

After watching the film, I felt inspired, and I wanted to connect with something. That may sound new-age, but I realized that the stomach bug wasn't keeping me down, I've just been exhausted and disconnected from myself, which really just means I'm lacking some needed Jesus. So I went for a run and ran down this trail that led to a lake that was the forground to a setting sun. The problem, however, was that in my current stomach situation, running proved to be an interesting endeavor. I promptly ran back home, and in due time I was ready to head back out to the lake. I decided that I bought the Fiat for reasons like this, so I popped it into gear and was sitting lakeside in a matter of minutes.

I was in such a good mood, having the chance to sit and write and take photographs and be with Jesus, that I came home and made an amazing meal of shrimp and vegetable pasta with a nice glass of red wine all the while reading my new magazine. It was so great that I decided to take a photo of it.

A glorious end to a day that started in such an odd manner.

And then tomorrow, off to Alaska for, hopefully, more sunset photos.

one down, 3 to go

2007-06-14T11:03:00.001-06:00

I'm back from El Salvador and all is well, despite the fact my body lacks the ability to act in a "regular" way. I'll save you from the health lesson complete with photo on this one.

The trip was great. We helped build classrooms for children supported by Compassion International. We got to play with kids, dig a foundation for a building, play soccer in the pouring rain, pour concrete in the rain, hike a volcano, learn spanish and spanish songs, load close to 1000 cinder blocks, go to home churches to pray, sing a worship song in English while the natives sang it in spanish, eat some great food until the 5th day of it, and have a lot of great laughs. I have a lot of thoughts on this trip and our understanding of 3rd world countries, but I can't get my brain around them yet, so those will come at a different time.

And now it's off to Alaska with an entirely different group....more on that in July.

I haven't loaded my pictures yet to an online site, but when I do I'll let you know the link. Here's a few to start:

El Salvador

2007-05-31T17:53:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, well, in 26 hours, I will leave for the country of El Salvador. We're taking 19 from our church and will spend the week playing with kids, building a house/shelter and learning of a new culture and community and way of life.

I'll have much to talk about when I get back, but as soon as I do, I leave for Alaska. And then at the end of the summer, I'll be heading off to Uganda for almost 3 weeks. This blog won't know what hit it....

who talks like that?

amen

2007-04-26T10:21:00.000-06:00

travels and traveling

2007-04-23T00:08:00.000-06:00

I just returned from New York city, which was an incredible experience of sights (the city atop a sky-rise building), sounds (live Jazz at Smalls), smells (the best crouissant you'll ever have) and laughs (live improv comedy with some SNL folk). It was one of the first vacations I've taken in a long time, if ever, on my own, off from work. It was hard coming back because I got delayed a day so I was a little rushed all week, but it was amazing.

I began to think about how fortunate I am to get to travel so much. Since December I have been to LA, Chicago and New York (not to mention Denver and St. Louis) which are basically the top 3 cities in our country. And this summer I get to skip the globe a little more. I love that my job allows me to travel, and that part of my job IS travel. Thoughts like these make this job worth it.

If you're interested in seeing a few photos from my New York trip, go here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/17168121@N00/sets/72157600099946481/show/

but here's a couple I like:

And here is two from Chicago at Christmas time:

and now, for a health lesson

2007-04-09T23:25:00.000-06:00

Apparently severe stomach pain results in the removal of your appendix. Last Saturday I felt great at 10 a.m., even better at noon, okay at 2, not so good at 4, bad at 6, worse at 8, and nasty at 10 p.m. So Tate and Andy and Alan thought it would be fun to get off to the hospital. By 1 a.m. I was downright awful, that is, until they put those drugs in me. Lovely.

By 3:30 a.m. I was heading to surgery. By 3:32 a.m. I called my dad who was up because he was in Florida. By 5:30 a.m. I was out and the doctor called Tate to tell her everything was okay (he wrote her number on his scrubs). By 10:30 I was awake again and by noon I was somewhat aware of what was going on. By 6 p.m. I was heading home and by 8 p.m. I was watching the Amazing Race on my couch. And now, a week later, I'm bored of t.v. but atleast I'm walking again.

All in all, it was a weird week. But the fact that I was walking for Easter was pretty cool. And now, back to work.

In case you're not sure what an Appendix is, like I was before last week, here's your history lesson:

What Is the Appendix?

The appendix is a 3 to 6 inch long tubelike structure that projects from the junction of the small and large intestines. No one knows what, if any, function the appendix has. However, once the appendix becomes infected or inflamed, it must be removed. The appendix may vary in its orientation to the small intestine and the cecum (the expandable pouch in which the large intestine begins and into which the ileum opens from one side). Such variation can account for confusing and atypical symptoms that can make diagnosis difficult. (source: medlineplus.com)

And in case you need to know what an real Appendix is, Cary Murphy provided this beautiful photo. Enjoy. (I have no idea what part it is in that photo. Any guesses?)

I might be obessed

2007-03-11T23:32:00.000-06:00

but murph understands....

KU won the Big XII tournament in dramatic fashion tonight, after being down big again against Texas. We're a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament, so hopefully we'll at least win one game. If I didn't love this team, I might have to pick them to lose, because I'm so doubtful that they can play this well in the tournament. But if they do, look out....

Let the fun begin....

Happy bracket busting...

Rock Chalk

2007-03-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

KU won the regular-season Big XII championship on Saturday with a thrilling victory against Texas at home. Kevin Durant, the freak of nature that he is, went off in the first half, scoring 25. But we came out fired up in the second half and went up big before finishing the game off as champions. It was also the 1,900th win KU's career and puts us in great contention for a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. But first, it's on to the Big XII tournament next weekend.

Maybe this year we'll actually win a game in the NCAA. I don't know if I'll be able to deal with being the first #1 seed to lose to a #16. Yikes.

just bragging

2007-01-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

Kyle and Ellie Van Rossum, my nephew and neice.

Finding Rest

2006-12-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking and learning a lot about finding rest lately. I've come to the obvious conclusion that rest doesn't mean more sleep or more time alone.

How do you find rest? How are you renewed?

It's amazing what happens when the Lord puts questions on your heart such as these. You start to see it everywhere you look, and He gives you little glimpses of where He wants you to be.

For example, a story from my trip to Chicago:

What is it with girls from Chicago?

Last week I went to dinner with my parents in downtown Chicago at a restaurant called Bandera. It’s a phenomenal restaurant with live jazz, windows that look over Michigan Avenue and some of the best ribs I’ve ever had. There was also table of 6 girls sitting next to us. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t notice them, but again, I was with my parents, and they were all having fun together, and I’m just not the guy to do anything anyways. After they left, the waitress walked by with a note and said, “I had nothing to do with this.” What? The little folded piece of paper had “happy holidays” written on it. Was this from the girls? Inside simply read, “I hope you’re having a good night with your parents. This is from table next to you that just left. Sarah. 815…….”

I have to admit; it was one of the most flattering things that has happened to me in awhile. Not only the boldness from a girl, but a girl who was out with all her friends, and me with my parents. I don’t know if I would have the boldness to pull a move like that, but especially not when a girl was out for a nice dinner with her parents. But she did it, whoever it was. I had no clue which girl it was which made it all the more interesting. Have you ever done anything like this? I’ve talked with friends about this very scenario. We all agree that it only works in the right situation - but I thought this wasn't a "right"situation and it worked.

I called her. Why shouldn’t I?

Even if she never calls me back, or I never see her (since I don’t even live in Chicago), the story isn’t all that funny if I don’t call her, right? I left her a message and immediately considered calling her right back because I thought it was the lamest call I've made (read: “Swingers”) but I resist the urge that would have killed the moment. She calls back, though, and says, “I’d love to meet you in your hotel lobby for a drink, I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” When does this ever happen?

While waiting for her, I go back to the hotel room where I’m bunking up with my folks and watch a Dateline special on catching predators who are attempting to sleep with 13 year old minors. I had a sinking feeling that this was about to go terribly wrong. What if I go down to the lobby and step into camera lights and Chris Anderson (or whatever that guy’s name is) wanting to interview me? That would be a story. But these girls were drinking at the restaurant, so they have to be at least over 21. I just kept trying to find something wrong in this situation because it didn't seem true.

I told her to bring her friends, but when she showed up alone I asked her how she trusted me. She said, “What are you going to do, you’re in a hotel lobby with your parents upstairs?” True. I appreciated how bold she was still, and how much she’d rather enjoy a moment than be afraid. We talked for about an hour while we each had a $12 glass of wine (why should anything cost that much?). We talked a lot about taking risks and living in the moment and being real and having fun. We also talked about life as a journey (who knows how I get into these conversations) and how the process is more important. We talked about work and how we both love our jobs (she’s a therapist for mental-handicapped children) and how sometimes we feel guilty about taking time off because our jobs are never done and we could work 24 hours a day if we wanted. She then said something to this exten: “But how much more selfish is it to think that if you did work an extra 12 hours, or all week, you could change the world. It’s not always about you.” Wow. She went on to talk about how important it is to show people by example the importance of taking care of yourself and doing the things that give you rest.

It's funny what you learn when you're looking for it.

It's okay to take risks, to have fun, to pursue life, to be bold, to live well. Sometimes I need a reminder of that, and sometimes I find rest in the strangest situations. I thought I was a risk-taker, but I'm not even close to this girl. I may never see this girl again, but the moment was worth it.

Because life is not life unless you try.

Humor is humorous

2006-12-07T12:08:00.000-07:00

There's a website (www.despair.com)where they take the common motivational posters and put a negative spin to them. Nic used several of them in a sermon dispelling the myth that students cannot make a difference in this world.

Some of them are okay, but these are simply too funny. The achievement one makes me laugh every time and I don't even know why, it's just perfect. I can just hear PMurph chuckling at that one for hours. Go online to few a bunch more.

life vs. law

2006-11-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

It snowed today in Denver. Almost 3 inches, which is a lot for the city. But that means there's a lot in the mountains. One more day of work and I'll be skiing. Sweetness.

I had the opportunity to speak at my church on Sunday. We have a service every morning for 7-12th graders that I'm usually leading worship for, but this Sunday they gave me the speaking mic. suckers.

go here to listen to the sermon, if you'd like: www.highpointstuff.com/highimpact.html

Besides my painfully loud volume, breathing and lisp, and my need for speed talking, I think it's okay.

If you listen, let me know what you think...

movies

2006-11-18T22:59:00.000-07:00

I just saw the movie, "Stranger than Fiction" tonight. I was anxious to see it because the previews sparked such great thought on such an interesting plot: What if a living man was actually the character of a book being written? I'm a sucker for a movie that messes with reality and time and perception. "Memento", "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "The Jacket", "The Family Man", "The Sixth Sense", and more come to mind.

I'm also a sucker for movies with character/life change. "Good Will Hunting", "Dead Poets Society", "Garden State", "Almost Famous", "Rudy", "Crash" and more and more.

Recently I saw "The Prestige" which, along with some great directing (Christopher Nolan is a genius), pushed the envelope on reality. I liked the movie, but was frustrated with the end (a discussion that will have to wait).

I also saw the new Zach Braff movie, "The Last Kiss" which had character change written all over it - but failed to deliver. I was really disappointed. It lacked resolve, it lacked great writing and that certain moment that defines such movies.

Not to say "Stranger than Fiction" is perfect, and I'm still trying to figure out where it fits with the list of greats mentioned above, but it has the elements. The writing is clever and clear and unique. The acting is fantastic, actually, and though it's slow at some points, the movie has great direction and feel. Resolve? Yes, and then some, with a great perspective on what life is about, what to fight for and how to go after what you want, without being cheesy or preachy.

What movies are on your list?

And if you see "Stranger than Fiction", let me know what you think.

"Isn't there protocal on this?"
"Yes, but I don't care."
"Why"
"Because I want you."

Perfect line.

World Series Champions....what does that mean?

2006-10-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

In case you actually read this blog, yet live in a cave, the Cardinals won the World Series on Friday night. I've waited for this moment my whole life. I don't remember '82, obviously, or '85, so it's been a long journey. I remember watching Willie McGee hit in Ozzie Smith to win the division back in high school, I think in '96. I remember watching Mark McGuire hit number 62 with Steve Cramer in Kansas. I remember watching a playoff game in the first round 2 years ago with Ryan Tate. I remember all the times we parked at Ralston-Purina and walked to the game. I remember standing on the field with the Precho boys and friends at the old Busch. I remember watching the playoffs 2 years ago with those same friends constantly yelling, "Two out rally!" and "So Taguchi, So Ho, Taguchi." I remember getting a call from TMS while he was standing next to Jose Oquendo. I remember singing on the field with my church choir (when I was little mind you). I remember wanting to be Ozzie Smith while throwing a ball against my garage wall. I remember listening to Jack Buck on the radio growing up. I remember Vince Coleman. I remember meeting Stan Musial. I remember...

Considering all the memories that come with Cardinals baseball, you would think that Friday night would be the sweetest of them all. While anxiously awaiting the game on Friday, I started to wonder what I would do if they actually won the game. I didn't know how to respond. I remember watching the Rams win the superbowl. I was at KU so it was fun to brag on my city, but I didn't grow up watching them play (what I did watch was pretty pathetic). How do I appropriately respond to something I've always waited for while living in a city 14 hours away? I started to think about what I would feel if Kansas won a national championship in basketball. I don't know what I would do. Baseball playoffs have a totally different feel than basketball. There's no sudden-death feeling, there's no last second buzzer-beater. There is in a game 7, which is why the Mets series was so amazing. But a game 5, up 3-1, with no sudden death feel, and with the actual feel of confidence that the Cards would pull it out (which is rare in postseasons), is a surreal situation. It was almost as if, when they won, it was expected. How do you celebrate? I ran around the neighborhood yelling, but that doesn't do it justice.

And then I started thinking about what my response would be if they had lost. "Well, there's always next year." What do you say when they win? I don't know, I've never experienced it. What I ended up saying was, "Well, there's always next year." Because as much as I root for my team to win it all every year, what I really love is the season, the journey, the process. If they just handed the Cardinals a championship, it wouldn't mean anything. I want the ups and downs, the whole journey. And, as shocking as this sounds to me, I'd rather take the season then the championship. Which is a good feeling to have since we've had 25 of them before this year.

And then I started realizing that preferring the Cardinals season and playoff runs means I prefer not to have one championship, but to have a team, to have a culture, to have a hope, to have a dream, to have a city to remember. And as Friday night came to an end, that's what came to mind. St. Louis. Childhood. Memories. I began to miss St. Louis like never before. I wished so badly I could be there to celebrate, to be there with friends, to soak up a moment I've waited for since I started playing little league. I missed my childhood and growing up and figuring out life and highschool and after college and being in a band and walking to elementary school and watching the Blues and walking down to the Tates and everything in between. I miss home.

Some people scoff at sports. They say it's trivial and it doesn't matter in the long run. Some even say it doesn't matter in "eternity," whatever that means. But when a team can pull up memories, remind me of my great childhood and unite me to my past and who I am, then I want to be a sports fan. So then it does matter in eternity. I want to continue to love the Cardinals and the Jayhawks, through each season with ups and downs, with exciting or dissappointing finishes, with all that the journey brings. Because that's what life is, and that's how I want to celebrate it. Because there always will be a next year, no matter the outcome, and that's the point to celebrate.

Thank you, Cardinals, for being more than a baseball team.

And thank you, David Eckstein for providing hope for the scrawny, small, white boys out there. More power to you.

hark. a new post.

2006-10-09T12:10:00.000-06:00

It's almost been 3 full months since I've posted a blog. Here's what I've been doing that's kept me from writing anything:

-I went on several trips this summer with my youth group. I also moved to full-time, which is nice, so my job has been crazy but a lot of fun. Here's one trip I went on: a six day, five night backpacking trip in the Sangre de Cristo mountain range through Horn Creek (the camp I worked at last summer) with the group of senior guys I had the pleasure of hanging out with this year. It was an amazing trip with those guys (who had known each other since 7th grade) and an amazing experience in the mountains.

-My sister and brother in law had twins 3 months ago, Ellie and Kyle. I finally got to meet them this weekend in Chicago. They're beyond a description. Here's a photo of the two almost looking at the camera, which is quite the feat at 3 months. They both have the coolest little KU outfits but they don't quite fit into them yet. I'll get to see them again over Thanksgiving so it will be fun to see how much they've grown by then.

-I decided to buy a house and remodel it which has been a dream of mine since my Kuhn Construction days. Thanks to Kuhn Construction and some help from some friends (Murph was huge, as was my dad and Runge and polly, JeffG, Nic, Joe, Andy, Dan, Danny, Yagos and Ben, Bert, Morgan, Jesse, Kyle, Nathan and others), I remodeled most all of the main level. I removed some walls, added wood floors, new door casing and the like. It was a huge project that was a dream for me to do. It's nice to actually work on a house that you get to enjoy when it's done. I still have some work to do on it, little things here and there, but I'm in and I feel really good about it. Here's a few before and after photos. If you want to see the whole process, click HERE. (Then click on "play slide show")

Twins

2006-07-14T18:30:00.000-06:00

A quick note of great joy to announce the birth of my Julie and Bill's (sister and brother-in-law)twins. Kyle Edward Van Rossum and Elizabeth Grace Van Rossum (who they'll call Ellie) arrived today, Friday, July 14th, at 10:20 and 10:21 a.m. Kyle weighs 6 pounds, 3 oz. and is 18 inches long and Ellie weighs 4 pounds and is 17 inches long. At this point he has dark hair and she has light. The nurses say that they don't look alike. Everyone is doing very well. My sister will be in the hospital until Tuesday, at least, with the babies possibly staying later. It's been an amazing experience, even from 800 miles away. I can't imagine what it will be like to hold them, and the day that they'll say, "Uncle Mark." God continues to amaze.

Here are the first few pics:

-Uncle Poshiggity

my new job

2006-06-13T09:23:00.002-06:00

Somehow I've convinced the people at this church here in Denver that I belong here, or at least that I want to be here. I'll be full-time in July, which is far beyond my dreams. Denver was a dream long in the making. Actually, the mountains were a dream. Denver just happened to be the St. Louis of the West. And God, sitting seemingly on top of a 14,000 foot mountain, spoke my name some years ago. The great thing is, I keep hearing it over and over. I remember in 2003 when I drove out here by myself from St. Louis (why my parents let me I won't ever
know) and went skiing for the first time (which was hilarious) and stood atop a mountain (which one I'll never remember, either) and yelled, as loud as I could, "USE ME!" It was a strange experience. No lightening bolts or visions of Jesus, just a sense that God was calling me to something bigger than I could dream. Now 3 years later I get word that I'm moving to full-time. What else could I ask for? A house? Sure, that's coming soon. A book on hiking and camping? Yes, that's coming via Barnes & Noble online very soon. The faithfulness of Christ, and the dream that's been on my heart for 4 years now, is profound and inspiring. I have the best job I could ever want, in a part of the country that is inviting, inspiring and simply fun to be in.

(above picture is of my senior guys small group and some of their previous leaders)

Here is what I wrote the other day about my job:

----------
I watched a video the other night of a mission trip that my youth group took in 1999. It was cool to see all the old leaders that I've met or heard about and some whom I work with today. I began to fully realize how big and amazing this place is - the tradition it holds, the depth of leaders and kids that have been through. I felt, and feel, so honored to be a part of this ministry. It's not just a church, it's not just a small youth group, it's a community and great place of development for kids and leaders alike. I'm reading this book right now about a guy from England who started a 24/7 prayer room which has turned into a prayer movement that has taken the world by storm. I just read a letter from a friend that has ongoing communities in Portland and Peru and Minnesota and other countries. I remember talking to this friend about our dreams and mine were something about this church, and hers were about transforming some towns in South America and mobilizing this group and that group and blah blah blah. I was reading in Philippians last night about how Paul was the same way. He went from city to city, without a real home, but had 'homes' every where he went. Before I watched that video, I had a sinking sense that my scope was too small, that I had trapped myself in a church with a spectrum of only 150 kids, versus thousands from multiple countries. Then I watched this video, and realized what I was involved in. I wanted so badly to be a part of that trip. I wanted so badly to be in that circle of leaders. I wanted, no, I want to be a part of this mission field, this ministry, this movement. I want to be a part of this world. And I sit here at my desk, realizing I'm about to be paid to do something I completely love, and I hear Amanda tell me that she thinks I could potentially take her place someday if she leaves. Me? What about all those people who have been through here, that have established this place? What about all those people that I admire? I'm part of them, and as much as I wanted to be a part of those trips in the past, they have made this place what they are now. Amanda actually forgot that I wasn't even in that video because I fit in so well here. That's what I want - to be a part of this bigger picture. It's not about me striving to be great at what I do, or feeling like I'm one of the better ones, or buying a house, or getting more money from the church, it's about being a part of something bigger than me, bigger than my mixed up dreams of wanting to fly to Peru. I'm in, I'm hooked, and now I get to dream in a place that hopefully 10 years from now, someone else will want to be a part of.

thanks for reading
-------------

Here's some pictures of the room where we have our Sunday morning youth service. We redesigned the room, which took two full days, but I like how it turned out.

What is Faith?

2006-05-11T13:33:00.000-06:00

“Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else.”
Brennan Manning

I just finished a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. The book was good, an easy read about grace, but with a little more direction than Blue Like Jazz. This quote is probably the best description of what Faith looks like that I may have ever heard. It’s simple, it’s concise and it’s right on.

There is a worship song that has been around for several years now called “You Are Worthy of My Praise” by David Ruis (whom I met in Seattle at a conference – strange). The song is an old youth group classic (though it’s fizzled out with our kids here) but I used the song in a worship setting awhile back and something struck me about the lyrics. The chorus goes as follows:

“I will give you all my worship
I will give you all my praise
You alone I long to worship
You alone are worthy of my praise.”

By singing that I will always worship God, am I lying? Because as much as worshipping is my heart and my desire, I don’t always do it. And not in the song leading style, but the 'worship as a lifestyle' commitment. I may try to, but have you known anyone that is in constant worship of Christ? Have you heard of sin? Sometimes I make rash decisions or turn my back or decide that 6 hours of video games is more important.

I wrestled with this paradox for a moment. Certainly I want my youth to worship God and to give Him everything, but are they coming out with the idea that if they don’t, they’re in trouble? And then the 3rd line comes in, "You alone I long to worship." What an essential word, 'long.' Now this is just a worship song some guy wrote, but it’s speaking truth. I realized that longing to worship God is the point, not striving to always get it right. We’ll never win that battle, and that is why we need Grace. Maybe we don’t need Grace because we fail, but we fail because we need Grace. Does that make any sense?

I want to want to love God every moment. Read that again, it's not a typo. And I will strive to do so, but when I fail, it doesn’t come down to how many faith points I have, it comes down to what I really want, what I know that I need, and how much I want to desire Christ. Simply skim through the Gospels and look at how many times Jesus says the word faith. Most often there are two examples. One is with someone who is hoping Christ will heal or help them based on how well they know the law, keep the commandments or do the 'duties' of a believer, to whom Jesus always replies, "Where is your faith," or "You of little faith." The other deals with strangers, sinners and social outcasts that come running up to Jesus just to touch his cloak or hear his voice, whom Jesus heals by saying, "Your faith has healed you," or "Because of your faith…" Jesus was drawn to the people who wanted to want faith, not those who were trying to create faith in their life by following a list of standards.

Manning quotes Marjory Kempe of Lynn, Massachusetts, who in 1667 had a vision of Christ who came to her and said, “More pleasing to me than all your prayers, works and penances is that you would believe I love you.”

He didn’t say, “that you would love me.” The easy response to moving away from legalism or sin management or the Pharisees in the New Testament is to say, “It’s not about rules, just love Christ.” But maybe, it’s more about believing that Christ loves us. Or having faith, not based on trying to impress Christ, but on wanting to believe that He loves us. That truth pushes me to love Him in return. If I want Jesus to love me, I will have the tendency to do things to get that response. But if I want to believe that Jesus loves me, despite the fact that I don’t always worship him, I don’t always listen, I don’t always do what is healthy, and I don’t always love him back, then that is faith. Do you agree?

“We try to live so that He will love us, rather than living because He has already loved us.”

Thanks, Brennan.

The GNC and a new guitar and a house?

2006-05-03T14:24:00.000-06:00

On Saturday April 29th, as a church, we walked 16 miles from our church to downtown Denver to sleep in a park across from the capital building in support of the "Invisible Children." (see previous post). Overall the trip was a great experience, especially for our kids - not only to be in support of a great global cause, but to realize that they could actually walk 16 miles with a back-pack on and sleep outside without a tent or running water.

You can go here to see some photos of the experience. Click on the link for the walk, and then click on the group photo. You don't have to sign-in.

My quest for a new guitar has come to a climatic ending. I have purchased a new Gibson J-45 acoustic guitar. It sounds of angels singing. Or maybe just a good guitar, but nonetheless, it's a beautiful piece of work. I decided against the Martin, and went with the Gibson after having the owner of a guitar shop in Louisville, CO talk to me as if he was fitting me for eye glasses. He could have been saying, "better one, better two" as he brought out different guitars to try and to hear. He said, "There's no bad guitars, Mark, you just have to find the one that fits you the best." Done. Subsequently, while searching google images for a picture of said guitar, I realized that Bob Dylan was an avid player of the Gibson J-45 series. Good work Bob, maybe now I can write 3,490 songs.

Tomorrow I'm going house shopping with my realestate agent. Should be interesting...

5 things...

2006-04-17T15:20:00.000-06:00

1. A couple weeks ago, my sister found out whether or not she's going to have a boy or a girl this summer. She called me after her ultrasound and said, "You're going to have a little nephew!" Realizing there was something funny with the way she said it, I said, "And?" Sure enough, I'm going to have a little neice, too. Twins. Let the fun begin. I did tell her, though, that this is going to push me to actually get a real paying job. Maybe I'll have an "uncle shower" where people can give me baby gifts so that I can give them to my new neice and nephew. I'll keep you posted on that...

2. Don't take your credit card to the post office unless you have signed the back. The man working there, who Dan said has been there for atleast 8 years, was quite frank and disgusted with me for not signing my credit card. I mean, seriously, was is it, a Federal Offense? He was not joking around, and if he wasn't so stuck up about it, I would have taken it from him right then and signed it. The funny thing is, he asked, "Have you ever signed this card?" What if I had said yes and pretended it had rubbed off? Would THAT be okay?

3. I was sitting at the airport the other day, in the free parking waiting area, and in the car next to me was a mom in the front seat and a small child about 6-8 years of age in the back. Minding my own business, I suddenly heard the back door fly open and the kid begin to vomit uncontrolably. Yikes. I wasn't quite sure if that was actally happening, or if I was dreaming it up, so instead of snapping my head back to look, I simply used the remote on my passenger side rear-view mirror and tilted it down to see if this kid was in fact ralphing out the door. The result: Yes. I wasn't convinced because the mom wasn't doing anything, and in fact, never did anything at all the entire time they sat there. She just sat in the front and eventually drove off to meet whomever. Maybe it was some sort of doctor or something. Or atleast someone with a mint.

4. Here are a few new photos from my digital camera:

This is one of the first I took, along with the picture of cow butts: Always a classic.

The next three are from my backyard. Sick.

This shot is from our Easter Sunrise service. Jesus is cool.

5. And if you're interested in seeing some of my kids from my church, go to www.highpointstuff.com. Just click on the link that takes you to the Kodak photo album. We went on a Double Decker Bus ride which was bloody funny.

Here is a photo from that night which I like:

Hope everyone had a great Easter. Enjoy.

"I sound my barbaric yawp..."

2006-04-06T18:38:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went to see "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers," at a local highschool that is staring some of the senior guys from my small group. I sat with several of the other senior guys, which makes me feel somewhat like Robin Williams in "Dead Poets Society," (which is one of my favorite movies) sitting with kids and enjoying the theatre. I admire the kind of influence that Mr. Keating, "O Captain My Captain," had on those kids, and would like to think I have the same.

But then part of me wants to be Nuwanda (how do you spell that name?) who brings in his prize girlfriend and sits in the back and holds her hand after stealing her from Chip (was that his name?) Nuwanda was also famous for taking a call from "God" in the middle of chapel. There's a "wild at heart" man for you...

How fleeting are my thoughts.

Carpe Diem

Invisible Children

2006-04-03T16:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, as a church, as watched a DVD presentation on the "Invisible Children" of Uganda which I deemed worthy of a blog entry, whatever that means.

To read about it at length, and for more accurate facts, go to www.invisiblechildren.com.

There are wars all over the world, and all over Africa, but this one is disturbingly unique. The children of Uganda are being abducted, forced into the military and brainwashed to kill unmercifully, even their own families. There is no government or agency stopping this movement, so the children have started their own. Each night, kids who are quickly becoming adults, commute to the city to sleep among hundreds and thousands of others in old buildings or houses in order to avoid being kidnapped. They walk, each day, the equivalent being from Arvada to downtown Denver, or Kirkwood to downtown St. Louis, just so that they can remain free. They all have friends that have been abducted, friends that have died, friends they no longer know or know of their whereabouts, friends that have killed their friends. To watch a 10 year old boy sleep on a mat in a small pool of water in an abandoned building is heart wrenching. They're not the kids you see on those infomercials, they are real kids, doing homework by candlelight, trying to make sense of their maddened world, and trying to not be too emotional about it all because once it starts, it doesn’t stop. This situation is a vicious circle that needs to end, but there's no hope within their country.

That's where we come in, I suppose. Invisible Children, the organization, is hosting a "Global Night Commute" where nationwide students and adults alike will walk from their town to their downtown in support of this movement and these kids. I think we might do it as a voluntary event with our youth. It should be mind bending.

It's an inspiring feat to look at all that is going on with this organization and how they have pulled together to have 7 or more touring teams to spread the word, and employees and videos. It's inspiring because it all started (you should read the story online, or request the video) by 3 guys going over to Africa looking to document some of the affects of the Sudan war, and they simply stumbled into these kids. Now, it's their life. And the overwhelming response to these 3 guy's quest to make the invisible children known, has been, "Well, that's Africa, and this is America. It's unfair to compare the two." And with that they replied, "why not?"

It would be amazing to be called to something that large, of that magnitude, wouldn't it? Just even to be a part of something moving so fast would be a thrill. It's a full on operation that started from one little video.

Watching the video made me miss Africa. Not the Ivory Coast, and not my time there. I wouldn't take back the time I had at home, or the last 3 years, and certainly not this job where I feel called. I believe this is my mission field, but to see the faces of those kids, who are so joyful yet have no hope, is a joy. Their joy is far different than my joy. It puts a new perspective on my quest for an iPod.

It brings to mind, though, the question of what are you doing with your life? I like mine, sure, but is there more? Is there more influence that I have that I don't realize, or don't access or don't push? I want to dream more.

If you can help with this, or would like to show it at your church or school or home, please take the time to read more about it online. It might just change your life.

David Gray, Canada and a little March Madness...

2006-03-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

A couple nights ago I went to see David Gray in concert. It was a concert that I bought tickets for way back in September. It was one of those deals where I drove all over town trying to find a Ticketmaster outlet, and an ATM, so I could pay in cash to save on the service fees. Apparently that doesn't work anymore, since I actually lost money (and airline miles) by paying with cash. It was $7.50 in ATM fees, and I saved $5 by paying cash. I'm no mathematician, but I got hosed. And then, when Murph and Cary spend $24,378 to fly out to Denver to see the show, and David Gray cancels (with only a note on the door to the venue) then the hosing continues. You want more? I bought 3rd row tickets, which made the 6 month wait worth it, but really that meant row 23, since there were 20 "comp" rows in front of us filled with radio station people and others who probably won those tickets two days prior to the show. So after waiting for half a year, I have to sit in front of people who have no context of how great this show should be, and who think it's appropriate to drink Coors Light at a David Gray show. That's like listening to a live broadcast of a Nascar event while trying to partake in a Verdi Opera at Carnegie Hall. They just don't mix. Hosing continues (is "hosing" even the right spelling?), I figured, since I was appalled at the Coors Light drinking, that I would partake in a fine alcoholic beverage of my own, namely a Rum and Coke. But alas, all they had was Pepsi. What sort of place only has Pepsi? I mean, even Coors field here in Denver has Budweiser.

Now that I'm done complaining, and it's 6 months after buying the tickets, 4 months after the original show date, the show actually happened, and was good. Good? Yes. Flat out amazing? No. Once you have a show in your mind for 6 months, the expectations seem to rise a bit beyond reason. He did play for over 2 hours, which is well worth the ticket price (though that meant that Aqua Lung played for literally 20 minutes). There were a few numbers that were amazing, "Lately" and the Van Morrison jam he added in the middle. A piece that didn't make it on the album called "Alive," and the long jam at the end of "Please Forgive Me." He also played "Shine," which I never thought he would, so that made the night.

Another great part of the show was when he told some of the people leaving early to "piss off," which may be the best British phrase ever. He followed that with a tirade about people leaving early to "go do email or whatever you do. work is a 4 letter word, don't think about it." He was laughing, but people were missing great parts of the night because they wanted to get out before the traffic. Who wants to live like that? It wasn't that late, and I loved that he had no regard for people staying out late. He wanted to play songs, even a few covers, and do them extremely well, and have people love them. And at the end, as he closed with Babylon, I felt alive for staying up late and living a piece of life with David Gray. I never really liked that song, since it was so overplayed on the radio, but as all 3,000 of us sang the chorus a capella, it ended the night on such a great feeling.

"If you want it, come and get it for crying out loud. The love that I was giving you was never in doubt. Let go of your heart, let go of your head and feel it now."

---------------------------------------------------------------

Canada awaits. Tomorrow I leave for Canada. I'm excited because I've never been to Wyoming or Montana, and those are 2 states we'll drive through tomorrow and Friday. And besides the small trip across the waters by Detroit, I've never really been to Canada, so that will be another couple states and a country I can cross off my list. Someday I'll get them all, States that is. I'm heading up there for a worship conference with some of my kids which should be a blast.

However, I'm a little bummed I'll be missing all the great college basketball that will be happening this weekend. I have the rest of my life to watch basketball, so I'm not too concerned, but it is the greatest weekend of sports for the whole year. Hands down.

The good news is, I'm making a trek back to the homeland for the round of Sweet 16 and Elite 8. There's an actual chance that KU might be there, either way, it will be good to catch some games with some home towners. Plus, I'll be able to see "The Fray" with, hopefully, some friends (since apparently they're sold out). If you haven't heard of them, you most likely will soon. They're hitting it big, which is exciting (and were just featured in Relevant, which is also great), especially since their drummer and guitar player grew up in the church that I work for now. And their tour manager was my "date" to David Gray, which wasn't as funny when we realized that there were other "dates" at the show that were not meant to be a joke...

See some of you in a week. Now it's off to Canada. Sounds good, eh?

a month long hiatus...

2006-02-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

a day in the life...

-My folks were here last weekend. That was great to have them experience life as I know it in Denver. Even though it was if they were paying for another 4 years of college in order for them to get here with the plane costs as they are. I forgot the joy of a free meal! That is why Murph and Cary are no longer coming out, which is a shame for David Gray's behalf, but I don't blame them at all. The commute to St. Louis is becoming harder and harder, which is a shame for me, but that just makes the times back in the 'Lou even greater.

-I just got back from a Jr. High ski retreat. Despite the fact that the emotional waves that run these kids, especially the girls, are more frequent than Roach's blog entries, it was quite fun. I continue to underestimate these kids, and how responsive they are when you really want them to be. In an interesting conversation with Dan, who has a small group with the freshmen boys, we realized that Jr. High kids are so immature that they don't realize it. Freshmen and Sophomores realize their propensity for immature reactions, often choose to be that way (case in point: our only discipline situation came with a sophomore "leader", not with any of the jr. high kids). I thought the jr. high kids were going to be a pain this weekend, but when you need them to be serious and real, they are, and far more than I gave them credit for. They don't realize that they can be rebels or a pain to control. Then they do realize it when they're up against upperclassmen, then they finally get to juniors and seniors and their maturity catches up with their decision making, and usually (though not always) they are more responsible. Just some thoughts on kids.

-Even after my positive comments on Jr. High kids, I slept 13 hours last night. They just wore me out. That hasn't happened since video game nights at Santa Fe.

-My Jayhawks got trounced on Saturday - a game I thought about skipping the ski retreat for. I'm certainly glad I didn't do that. The nice thing is (besides the fact that I can get away with ending sentences with prepositions) it made the team realize how much better we need to get, and can get, and how Brandon Rush must certainly wait another year to go pro, since he looked like me on a Saturday morning. Despite our pathetic output, J.J. Redick, the man after Murph's own heart, broke Duke's scoring record the other day, and on Saturday broke the ACC scoring record. Good work, J.J., but win a championship, will you? As much as I would hate for the Duke vs. KU championship count to be 4-2, as it stands 3-2 now, I still feel sick after expecting the record to be 3-3 when seniors Kirk Hinrich and Nick Collison (not unlike J.J. and Sheldon) lost to some punk freshman. Thus, the score remains 3-2, and I'll allow it to be 4-2 to prove to the NCAA that having seniors is worth it, and maybe, just maybe, my freshman will listen...

-I'm speaking on worship this weekend. We're doing a new series called, "YDO," which has the kids utterly confused right now, but when we explain that it stands for "why we do what we do," it will make more sense. We're going to strip down why we worship, take communion, pray, get baptized, and evangelize. I'm quite anxious for it, because sometimes we take things for granted, and do things out of habit. I'm going to talk about the history of worship, or rather, the stories of Moses and David, etc, worshipping and how they responded to God. And stories of how worship has evolved and changed and continues to change in the church today. Throughout all of time, it has not matter to God how we have worshipped in terms of style or song or habits, but in how we have responded to our living God, how we have reacted to His call and followed His voice. Then we are going to have a seminar/study after church about why we do what we do, in terms of songs and raising hands and "how" we respond as a church. It should be interesting.

-Speaking of worship, still one of my best conversations was one where I had a kid finally realize that he could worship while snowboarding. That story should come up, for sure.

-I had a small group the other night with Senior guys about prayer. So often we just say the right words, or feel obligated to "pray more." But what would happen if we actually practiced responding to God, listening to Him, and interacting with God, the God of the universe and of our hearts. I listened to a great sermon on Erwin McManus's podcast (I'm so high-tech) about prayer. He said, "What the world is looking for are not people who pray, but people who when they pray hear from God and do what God says. The best evidence that you're a man of prayer is that you do what God says when you hear it." Then I found out this weekend one of my kids went and made a decision He felt God has been telling him that he needed to do. I have no idea if that was from our talk on prayer, but atleast He's following that nudge from God.

-Here's another quote on prayer that I just heard: "Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees." Victor Hugo.

-In a Blazer like fashion, I felt I should include you on my quest for a new guitar. My current guitar has some issues, and my dream of a Martin, especially if my career evolves music, is slowly becoming a reality. My father, we'll call him Loan-Officer Tom, may be funding the project, since I make money like I meet women - in low amounts and often unsatisfying ways.
Here is a picture of one I may purchase. I wish you could hear what it sounds like, but since no one has ever recorded the sound of heaven, it's not possible.

-And finally, I'll leave you with the first photo I enjoy from my new digital camera which I got for Christmas....

A Response

2006-01-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

“Who knows which way it will fall, but I’m intrigued enough to wait…” I found that line in an old journal. This weekend, it fell, and I fell with it. Life is so unusually cool. I spent the weekend at a conference for the Covenant church in Chicago. The conference went well and I got to see my sister/brother-in-law (who are expecting! I’m going to be an uncle!) and a friend, so that was good. But something happened this weekend that pushed my thoughts on joy. I thought maybe I knew what joy is, but my definition is being re-worked. What is joy? Is it the stuff you fill your lives with? Is it the things that you let define you? Is it the choices you choose and the decisions you make? Is it your actions or the outcome of events? This weekend - No. Not any of those.

I’ve been through my fair share of disappointments and bad choices, and I feel like I’ve learned enough from them to make better ones and to get to a point where I lead a healthy life where my choices are leading to joy. But when I feel like I’ve made all the right moves and I still hurt, it’s time to re-think what life is about. I fell, and at first I was annoyed because I thought if I was protecting myself from such things how could such a thing happen? In a response to that very question, my friend Dan said, “Because you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and we think that’s awesome.” Maybe it is. Maybe joy isn’t based on outcomes, but on truly living. On the plane ride home, I also found this journal entry, “I want to feel again, regardless of the consequences.” Little did I know what I was asking for. I got my wish. I didn’t even see it coming, but it’s far more than I initially thought it would be. I think the beauty of life is that when you do live life to the fullest and allow people in and allow yourself to be real and vulnerable, you will encounter hurt, even if you’re convinced you handled things well. The highs and the lows. The bitter and the sweet. They’re all essential to live well.

I think I asked to “feel again” because I was living a perfected life, one of good decisions and healthy walls, or so I thought. But I think I was a afraid to be hurt again. I wasn’t feeling, I wasn’t allowing life to live in me.

“Progress always involves risk. You can’t steal second without taking your foot off first” (Frederick Wilcox).

I took a risk and felt as if I couldn’t fail. And when I did, I failed myself by doubting my decision and my actions because I was actually feeling. I started to complain of feelings I’m wanting to have. That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t want to run or put up a front (although I put a good face on at first). And I don’t want to live life looking for answers to different questions. I want to live a journey of ups and downs, not destinations. I want to feel because I’m living life, I want to take risks and become alive. And now I’m seeing that the opposite of joy is not hurt or pain. It’s lethargy and complacency and settling and walls and control. Not allowing yourself to feel and breathe and hurt and live is the opposite of joy. To live well, to live big and to take risks without fear, without regrets. If I can blend that with healthy choices, maybe I’ll find joy. Or perhaps I just did.

Church signs suck...

2006-01-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

My blog entries as of late have had a heavy-heart to them, a weighty sense of deep thinking. So I decided it was time for another round of hilarity. Or atleast things that make me laugh.

I know I keep harking on these terrible church signs, but they're funny to me, especially since I work in a church. I've mentioned this website before, but a new posting just killed me. It's a blog of some guy posting Church Signs from around the country from various contributors, one being our very own Murphtronic.

But this new one is great. The quote is the sign, and then their response is classic:

"Troubles, like babies, grow through nursing."
submitted and asst. reviewed by Steve Lopez, Ozark, MO

So, troubles...suck? I already knew that!

Wait for it, think it through....ah yes, now that's funny.

You can view many more at:

http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/

In order to see Murph's contribution, click on the "November 2005" link on the right, and scroll down a little bit. It will be under the picture of the church sign that reads, "A free thinker is Satan's slave." That's right baby, force feed 'em all, then they'll never figure out this is all a hoax!

.:enjoy:.

Leadership

2006-01-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. The holidays took away some steam, but allowed some time to think. My holidays were quite lazy, almost too much. Back in college, I relished the days of being home for a month doing nothing. My life is different now, as I have a life and a job that I love, a place to call home and a place to call now. I don't need that month, in fact, I don't want that month anymore. I love going home, but I was too passive. I started to realize the areas I am too passive in my life. That's what brings me to the discussion of leadership.

I've realized that most of my leadership decisions are reactions to situations. Perhaps that's good management, but is that leadership? There's aspects of my life, especially my job, where I take initiative and the lead and take ownership of my decisions. If I had waited for a job, I'd still be working construction. But there's too many areas where I'm passive. I sit back and wait for something to happen so that I can react to it and call it good leadership. Now there's an entire aspect of leadership which we could call "damage control," which is essentially reactionary, but I'm speaking of being a leader, a visionary, a risk taker, a presence in which others follow.

This Christmas I directed a youth choir for my church service. I've led a lot of music services, but never a large choir. I had it on video and showed it to my parents, which was fun, considering their resumes. I thought the choir went really well and that I directed quite well for my first time. My dad, however, had a profound reaction. He said, "You look good, but you're reacting to them." "What?" "You're letting them direct you. We all do that at first, but the more confident you are, the more you command their attention and they follow you. Then you can create music." (paraphrased)

Passive. I thought I was leading, but if I am honest with myself, I was scared that the kids would derail. I wasn't in fact directing them, but following. I think we all do that in certain ways. How often do I play the victim when things don't go my way, when in actuality I just never fought for it, went after it, or even really wanted it? Do you have those moments where you sulk over something just to play the "things never go my way" card, and then you come to find you didn't even want it? I used to. There's no place for that attitude in leadership. Those moments are masking the fact that I'm too passive for what I want, and who I want to be. I want to be the aggressor, to take risks and go after what I want, "and not when I come to die, discover that I had not lived."

These aren't profound ideas, but I've learned a lot about leadership over the last few years, and this is just another step of becoming someone I respect. Confidence, strength, listening, patience, sacrifice, love. William Wallace over Mr. Rogers. Passion over passive.

What is leadership to you? What are some good leadership quotes? What are your thoughts?

Narnia

2005-12-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

I just saw "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." I know a lot, if not all, of you will see this movie sometime soon. If you haven't seen it, I don't want to ruin anything for you, so I won't go into specifics. Nor do I want to hype up the movie for you. But you need to see it. Wow. The movie is magical. The story is magical. The movie does an excellent job of handling the story, the special effects (the Lion is unbelievable), the child actors. It all works together. I was so entranced by the film that I couldn't remember what was going to happen, even though I had just read the book. I was quite pleased. Every film, especially off of great books, has its down sides, but that's just not the point right now.

For this movie spoke to me, just as the books do: Fighting a battle, having a child-like faith, becoming the person He wants you to be, claiming a new name for your new identity. Always believing. Always dreaming. Enjoying the journey, the process and the falls. Having a reverence and fear of the Lord, the great and endearing King, within an intimate relationship and friendship. Finding beauty in a world brimming with life and love and mystery and magic and creatures of all kind, singing to our creator. What a film. What a story. It brought to mind watching "Return of the King" for the first time. Both stories of such hope and victory that are so needed in our lives, in our culture. I feel like a new man. Somedays I'm blind to the beauty in how God loves me, in how He protects me and wants the best for me and wants me to claim His truth and His victory as my own and live in that freedom. Freedom. No wonder movies with that theme are so popular. It's in our blood, it's in our future. We DO have a battle to win, a mighty sword to wield, and I need to be reminded of such truths in our lives everyday (read this). Freedom and joy. Battles and victories. Sacrifice and loyalty. Kings and Heroes. Love and hurt. Hurt and pain. Pain and Joy. Joy and Freedom. Freedom. It's the fuel of our desire. It's the fabric that binds us together. These stories, not just of C.S. Lewis, but of our past and of our faith, are of our souls. May we breathe them in and let them linger. May we live them out and hear them sing. May we further our story, one battle, one journey, one wardrobe at a time. For Frodo!

Only in America

2005-12-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is just funny. I wish I had some witty comment about this ridiculousness, but I have nothing. I've got nothing more to say.

Pictures make the world smaller

2005-11-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

Here we go again. I posted 25 more photos tonight. After visiting the homefront over Thanksgiving, I came away with more photos than I know what to do with. If you're interested, please indulge...

www.markposhak.deviantart.com/gallery
(there's multiple pages)

For those of you who don't care, here's a quote that never gets old:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

music makes the world smaller

2005-11-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

Most of you know my continued saga here in Denver. Months ago I dropped my iPod in water (no, not in the toilet, though that would have made a better story). It is now in pieces across some Mac guy's store, never to be revived again. I suppose it's for the best. Currently I am an intern, so that does not lead to one being able to "re-purchase" said iPod, so I find myself in a predicament. At first I thought this would cause turmoil in my life, as I try to continue living without a solid soundtrack of tunes ever-present behind me. On the contrary, I have begun a new love for the music that I currently own. I've had to create mixes, as if I'm back in 8th grade. I've had to research new music that I could order in the CD form so that I can listen in my car. I've had to be innovative with how I listen to music, you know, like last week when no one had even heard of iPods.

From this new revelation of life, I've had to think about the music that I need in my life to keep the motor running. I've had to think back and remember what music got me through certain times of my life. High school days, late nights at college, navigating the "real" world. Whatever it may be, certain CDs hold certain memories, certain feelings and times and emotions and smells. There are certain albums in all of our lives that take us to a specific place or person or moment.

I have created a list, albeit not a complete or sufficient list, but a compilation of albums that are immensely influential in my life. I have no particular order, save from the first 5 or so that will always remain at the top of the list. I may have gone a bit overboard, and yet I'm sure I'm missing some, but I just couldn't stop at 5:

Damien Rice - "O"
Counting Crows - "August and Everything After"
Jimmy Eat World - "Clarity"
Jackopierce - "Woman as Salvation"
Coldplay - "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
Guster - "Parachute"
They Might Be Giants - "John Henry"
Switchfoot – “A New Way to be Human”
The Beatles - "Help"
Nick Drake – “Pink Moon”
Dave Matthews Band - “Crash
Vertical Horizon - "Live Stages"
Mark Kozelek - "Rock 'n Roll Singer"
Ryan Adams - "Heartbreaker"
Jump Little Children – “Magazine”
James Taylor - "Greatest Hits"
Enter the Worship Circle - “Circle One”
Duncan Sheik - "Duncan Sheik"
David Gray - "A Century Ends"
Barenaked Ladies - "Gordon"
Frank Sinatra – “The Very Good Years”
Harry Connick, Jr. – “When Harry Met Sally”
John Coltrane - "Giant Steps"
Miles Davis - "Kind of Blue"

I hope this will spur others on to do the same. You can always tell the heart of another by the music in which they choose to fill their life.

.:Enjoy:.

Garden State

2005-11-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

I just saw Garden State for the first time last night. I'm probably the last one to see it, but I loved it. I loved it. Yet another movie that speaks to me. A movie about awakening. A movie about change and finding joy and beauty in a life that doesn't make sense half the time. A movie about finding your heart, and if that means screaming into a ravine in the pouring rain (or whatever that was), then scream louder. A movie that doesn't meet the status quo, that breaks the mold, that takes risks and in the end, shows heart. I found myself thinking, at the end of the movie, that I want to write again. It's been too long since I've written anything. Then I thought about how I want to write a movie like this, and direct it. What a joy that would be. Then I was thinking about my lame acting days and how I would love to act in a movie like that (especially if it has Natalie Portman in it, I suppose). Then I was listening to the soundtrack, realizing how much great music there is in this world. Then I was listening to the score of the film and how simply beautiful it is and how it reminds me of the score to "Almost Famous." Then I remembered my dreams of making music of making a score, of complementing a movie, a mood, a story. I love the style of the music in this movie - a simple guitar and piano. It tells its own story and pulls of you emotion and longing. "It pulls longing from you" is such an interesting concept. Is that possible? I don't know how that works, but somehow this movie does it. I want to find that for myself. I want to sit with a guitar and piano and create music that pulls longing from people. I want to find my joy atop a ravine. I want to find my joy screaming in the rain, with that release, that exclamation of life. I want to feel again, regardless of the consequences. I want to fall in love like that, almost on a whim, but with the nagging feeling that being alone is simply no longer an option. I want to live a life where I can watch a movie like this and think of those things, at 1 a.m.,

and feel like I'm at least heading in the right direction.

I'll never direct my own major motion picture

and may never record my own soundtrack,

but I find my joy amidst the rain,

the ravines and the lost.

I find my joy in the exclamation of life.

I'm on my way...

Beautiful, Part II

2005-10-27T19:09:00.000-06:00

"It doesn't make a great deal of sense that a person who went to Bible college should have a better shot at heaven than a person who didn't, and it doesn't make a lot of sense either that somebody sentimental and spiritual has greater access. I think it is more safe and more beautiful and more true to believe that when a person dies he will go and be with God because, on earth, he had come to know Him, that he had a relational encounter with God not unlike meeting a friend or a lover or having a father or taking a bride, and that in order to engage God he gave up everything, repented and changed his life, as this sort of extreme sacrifice that is required if true love is to grow. We would expect nothing less in a marriage; why should we accept anything less in becoming unified with Christ?"

a paragraph from a much larger work called "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller

------------------

A quote that I love that I recently found once again...

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life. To put to rout all that was not life. And not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived." Thoreau

writing makes the world smaller

2005-10-20T23:21:00.000-06:00

I have dabbled in a bit of poetry in my time. I like that old saying, "Jack of all trades..." You know how it goes. I just like to put words in strange places, whether other people like it or not. So if you're interested in reading a bit of my work, feel free to stop by:

http://markposhak.deviantart.com/gallery/

(When you click on an image, you'll have to scroll down a bit to get to the actual poem - it's not ideal).

Thanks to you who are actually interested in this stuff. It's a fun outlet.

:::Enjoy:::

Beautiful

2005-10-17T10:56:00.000-06:00

"Each year I teach a class on the gospel and culture at a small Bible college back East. This year I asked the students to list the precepts a person would need to understand in order to become Christian. I stood at the white board and they called out ideas: Man was sinful by nature; sin separates us from God; Jesus died for our sins; we could accept Jesus into our hearts (after some thought, students were not able to explain exactly what they meant by this, only saying it was a kind of interaction in which a person agrees Jesus is the Son of God), and so on. Then, looking at the board, I began to ask some questions about these almost universally accepted ideas. I asked if a person could believe all these ideas were true and yet not be a Christian. I told them my friend Matt, for instance, believed all these ideas and yet would never claim to be a person who knows Jesus or much less follows Him. The students conceded that, in fact, a person could know and even believe all the concepts on the board and yet not be a Christian. 'Then there is something missing, isn't there?' I said to the class. 'It isn't watertight just yet. There must be some idea we are leaving out, some full-proof thing a person has to agree with in order to have a relationship with Christ.'

We sat together and looked at the board several minutes until we conceded we weren't going to come up with the missing element. I then erased the board and asked the class a different question: 'What ideas would a guy need to agree with or what steps would a guy need to take in order to fall in love with a girl?' The class chuckled a bit, but I continued, going so far as to begin a list.

1. A guy would have to get to know her.

I stood back from the board and wondered out loud what the next step might be. 'Any suggestions?' I asked the class. We thought about it for a second, and then one of the students spoke up and said, 'It isn't exactly a scientific process.'"

from the book "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller.

Sameness

2005-10-04T12:33:00.000-06:00

"The most dangerous word in the Western Culture is 'sameness.' Sameness is a virus that infects members of industrialized nations and causes an allergic reaction to anyone who is different. This virus affects the decision-making part of our brains, resulting in an obsession with making the identical choices everyone else is making." Mike Yaconelli

Have you ever met a kid named Jeff? Neither had I, until yesterday. I was playing frisbee with some of my students yesterday at their school when Jeff came by and asked if he could play. Sure, no problem. He could throw a disc pretty well, and was a nice kid. When all of the kids I know had to leave, I shook Jeff's hand and went on my way. But Jeff remained. He looked a bit lost, or lonely, so I began chatting with him about common subjects like football, geometry and school. I invited him to an event we're having this Wednesday (going to a corn maze of all places) and he began to tell me about the people in his life that have a positive influence on him - his anger management therapist, his sexual offense therapist and a friend that takes him to church - none of which were his parents. He then began a string of stories that made me dizzy: where he was born, how many times he moved, how long he's been abused by his father, his sexual offense arrest, his anger issues, his time with his therapists, the time he tried to kill himself by ringing his neck with his own hands and his struggles with drugs and alcohol. What?!

Is this really in good ol' Arvada, CO (which is ranked as one of the safest cities in America)? And why would Jeff just decide to vent to me? Why would someone like that, who's had more fear, pain, struggles and hate in his life than I will ever experience, look at me and feel the need to drop such a bomb on a sidewalk outside his school? Maybe it's the simple fact that he, whether he knows it or not, desires to be listened to and to be loved. It was a profound moment as I sat and listened to his stories. I didn't even flinch. I listened and simply said, "What do you do for fun?" His face changed. That stuff of his life is vitally important to who he is, and it's important to address if we begin to hang out, but for this moment, I wanted to let him know that I want to know who he is, what he likes and does, not what's happened to him. I never once said he needs to be a certain way, or like certain stuff, or clean up his life. I loved him for who he is, despite the crap that exists in his life. Perhaps he doesn't have many people in his life like that - and perhaps one day was enough for him. Jeff doesn't have to be like me, or the healthy kids in my youth group. And I don't have to be like him to love him.

"When do you come back?" he asked, as if I made regular visits like a therapist. "Well, I just come and hang out every once in awhile." "Well, could you come back on Wednesday at 12:30." Lunch time? I had already made plans with some other kids. "Yes, of course, I'll be here at 12:30, see you then. And can you come on Wednesday night?" "I don't know, I'll have to check with my therapist." Of course, I thought, since that's becoming less and less of a surprise. My kids can wait, I suppose, because when an opportunity comes along like this, you don't just make other plans. So many people have abandoned him, the last thing I need to say to him is, "Sorry, I'm busy."

This has nothing to do with how well I handled a situation (since there was a million options) but more of the lessons I'm learning on simply loving people. No agendas. No mission statements. No tracks or Bible lessons. No points of the Gospel. He just needs to be loved, and listened to, and cared for and considered valuable. Is that enough? We may never be on the same page, we may never go to the same church or where the same clothes. But that is why it's vital to not subject him to the sameness of the American/Western Cultural Church. (read quote at the head of this blog). Because the love of Christ is bigger, better, more whole, more alive and more real, than anything I can say to him, or take him to. When his heart is ready, it's ready. And maybe the way to run alongside his journey is to simply love. After all, all you need is...

God accepts Knee mail...

2005-09-25T16:24:00.000-06:00

I found this website the other day that has lists of stupid church signs. Reading these signs makes you not want to be a part of the local church, but reading websites like this makes you want to laugh...

http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/

Here's two other websites that present an interesting commentary on the local church (thanks Steve):

www.shipoffools.com
www.churchmarketingsucks.com

For a beautifully written account on the Huricane situation down south go here:

www.lowercasepeople.com and click on the Red-Cross link on the bottom. (Atleast read the last two paragraphs).

:::Enjoy:::

Art Makes Visible

2005-09-20T22:44:00.000-06:00

I recently put some of my photographs on an Art website. I decided that if I actually liked these photographs that I should take them from the envelope in which they reside and attempt to show them to others. So check out this website. None of my photos have been touched-up, edited or enhanced - they are all originals. Enjoy.

markposhak.deviantart.com/gallery
Make sure you see page 2 as well.

WARNING: This is an art website, which means you may see the work of others. Some of this work, while not indecent, may or may not be appropriate for small children, or people who are not intending on producing small children. That is all. For your health.

And thanks Cary Murphy, for that quote of yours...

A Call to Greatness

2005-09-13T16:13:00.000-06:00

“Coltrane possessed an ability to make creative choices others either did not know existed, were afraid to make, or simply couldn't pull off, because they hadn't prepared for such strange and wonderful possibilities. He stretched boundaries and erased limitations that many thought to be intrinsic to the instrument. In the world of jazz saxophone, Coltrane narrowed the gap between what a musician could imagine and what he could actually create. I heard, in Coltrane, a call to greatness."
Charlie Peacock (a pioneer in worship music and producer of Switchfoot albums).

I’ve always loved Coltrane. I’ve always loved jazz. I’ve always felt a strong pull to jazz and the way that it brings out another essence in me. And I love the idea that spirituality is not confined to the “church,” or things involving “religion.” I love how spirituality produces creativity, and vice versus. How an interaction with the Divine can bring of you elements that were unconceivable before. The passion and the arts and music and beauty and nature and love and all intertwined under the umbrella of spirituality, of Christ. What a beautiful creation. Peacock goes on to talk about how profound of an affect Christ had on Coltrane and Coltrane had on others. Band members, audience members felt the presence, felt the realness, felt the touch. So profound that one writer claimed that Coltranes premature death at the age of 40 was because "no man can see God and live." I want that same "call to greatness" both in art, in music and in Christ.

Anyone who’s reading this little blurb needs to stop and read the article itself. It’s on http://www.lowercasepeople.com/. Go to “Words.”

It’s a website devoted to the arts, to culture, to good music and life. The most surprising thing is that they reviewed a band called, “The Fray,” which is a band that started in the very church that I’m working in today. They are touring with Ben Folds, and just got off tour with Weezer. Crazy. I just met one of the guys in Target. I had no idea who he was and when he said that he played drums I said, “Cool, we should play sometime.” Yeah, too bad he’s busy hanging out with Ben Folds.
So check out the site and then check out the article about Coltrane, it’s inspiring.

Funny?

2005-09-12T10:46:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my first day of leading worship at my new church. It went well, really well. The kids responded, they played well and it was good. No complaints. But it was good, and I can't wait until it's great. We've got a lot of space to work with, and it's only up from here. Man, that sounds like a movie, but I want to dream as big as I can.

After church I went golfing with 3 high school kids, which was worth my paycheck in full. One kid was quite good, and even drove the green on a short par 4 (but remember, the ball actually does go further in higher altitude). At one point, this kid named Cody, who often wears a hard hat because it's funny, decided it would be a great idea to hit an apple off the tee. The explosion was enormous, and enormously funny. Once again, as Cody was rolling on the ground in pain because a piece went in his eye and we remained doubled over in laughter, I thought to myself, "I'm going to like it here."

Now, to the photo. Is this funny to you? It came over email, and quite frankly, has caused a stir amongst some people I know. Email photos are supposed to be funny, never with the intention of actually accusing others of wrong, or the new Pope of doing such things just because he's German. But the question remains, and maybe it's valid. Would I laugh if they blatantly made fun of my own church? I think so, because my faith is not in man, or things seen, and definitly not in email photos. I know my church isn't perfect, nor is the Catholic church, nor is the Methodist church, etc. And I'm not going to think less of the Catholic church because of an email with the German pope holding a beer. Because if I did, it would negate my entire frustation with this whole situation. But maybe it's too close to home, and considered a sacrilege. Or maybe we need to take things a little less seriously. Or, perhaps we need to not create photos that make people angry. But what is the root of that anger? Distaste? Poor humor? Or is it something deeper, a heavier weight that is causing us to jump at the first chance? Maybe if incidents cause us to stir we should take a step back and evaluate our own hearts. This has nothing to do with Catholic or Protestant or Jew. This has nothing to do with your place in life or how you feel about Bush. This has to do with the fact that we are allowed to, and desired to, live with joy, with freedom and peace, not held down by trivial concerns or petty emails. Where is that joy? Where is that casual freedom? Where is that loving God that is not concerned with walls, or barriers or denominations or lines? But IS concerned joy and peace? With a healthy heart? With loving relationships between family members, friends and neighbors? Maybe I'm confused, but that is my God. Is that yours?

"Last night when we were playing with the mattress pump..."

2005-09-08T17:41:00.000-06:00

And so my adventure in Denver begins. After a great summer at Horn Creek Camps, which included hikes up many mountains (see picture) and moving Jeff Fox and his family into their new home, I have arrived in Denver. What I have arrived to is far better than I actually thought. I am the youth/worship intern at a church called Christ Covenant Community Church in Arvada, CO (NW of Denver, half way to Boulder). My job is basically to play music, love kids and teach them how to worship. Sounds simple. The folks here, both leaders and kids alike, are amazingly unique, funny and real. In fact it seems as if I've been here for quite awhile now - which is such a refreshing feeling. I'm not even close to understanding day to day, but the big picture is sweet. I'm in as much awe of this job and my new situation, as I am of the mountains that I get to see every morning as I wake up.

Guys are so funny. My first weekend here we had a student-staff retreat where I got to hang out with 20 of the core kids in my first 48 hours. It was intense but amazing as I am already in good relationships with these kids. At one point, while some kids were watching a movie, the guys thought it would be fun to slide down a flight of stairs inside a sleeping bag. The noise they made was funny enough. I thought to myself, "I think I'm going to like this place." Then later that night they thought it would be funny to see what kind of marks a mattress pump would make when you attached it to various parts of your body. Quite hilarious. So the next morning when the group was asked how I was fitting in, one kid replied, "Last night when we were playing with the mattress pump, I knew Mark was going to fit in just fine."

I'm already getting to dream big. I'm going to start an art gallery here at the church, as well as hold a worship conference in late Fall. Plus, I just bought new skiis and boots, so I'm all ready for the winter season.

While looking into what a blog entails, I read some random kids blog who claimed to be a great poet and writer, yet he had multiple spelling/grammar errors in the first paragraph. What's with that? (did you catch my error?)

I think I might be partly writing this blog because people like Andrew Koebbe and Jim Roach will think to themselves, "finally." So here's to you, fellas. My very first entry is in the books. Cheers.